2020 resolutions
Every year for the past decade, I’ve blogged a recap of the year and my hopes of what’s to come. I’ve paired it with my goals for the year ahead, and a word that’ll see me through and provides the bedrock for the resolutions I make.
(It’s a pretty wordy post, so if you want to skip right to the resolutions, scroll down to the bottom!)
2019 was ‘a pretty big year’. One of those years that shape the rest of your life and you’ll look back on as a time of so many important milestones. It was filled with loss and sadness, but redeemed with love and hope. We lost my Grandad at the beginning of the year, I left my eight year relationship and surrendered my independence to move home to my parent’s. I travelled a lot, I got a new job and I fell in love.
With the rollercoaster of the first half of the year catching up with me in the latter, it’s been a bit of a difficult one. 2020 will be the continuation of trying to change so many of the detrimental thoughts I’ve built upon in the last however many years.
I was told that the idea of love I had in my head, a man who’d entertain my need for flowers and love me at my lowest, despite how I felt, was unattainable. That I’d read too many fairytales and watched too many romcoms; that I was naïve and stupid to expect otherwise. There’s a quote that says ‘If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten’. So I stopped doing what I’d always done. I stopped what I knew was safe and did something that felt right, and it all fell into place. I know it’s cheesy but I count my lucky stars every single day that I found my soulmate, who fulfils everything I wished for and more.
Now that I’m in a relationship with someone who loves me unconditionally and listens to me with zero judgement, it makes me realise how much I was lacking before. But with it comes the feeling of not being worthy. I’ve never felt that before – not in terms of love. 2019 built up a lot of feelings of not deserving, of self hatred and not being good enough.
I’m trying to work through it and although these past few months have been difficult, I work through these feelings with the hope that I’ll be a better person at the end of it. 2020 will be more of this – becoming the person I want to become – of seeing myself as a person who loves themselves and could be confident enough to be a good mother, knowing I’d pass on good values, thoughts and feelings to my future children. Of being a great businesswoman; having the confidence to do what I know I was made to do, of finding the courage to listen to my own dreams.
I’d like to say my word for 2020 will be something like ‘rest’, ‘recharge’ or ‘calm’ after the craziness of 2019, but I know it won’t be. It’s going to be filled with adventures, lots of travelling and, most excitingly, moving in together.
Starting a new decade in a new mindset and a new relationship just feels so right. There’s no doubt here, and the hope and safety I feel with both gives me so much excitement for the years to come.
So with all that being said, my word for the year is ‘rise’. At the beginning of the 2019, when I was making the big choices, I saved some words of encouragement for myself, and one that resonated with me most is this:
I do not know
what is supposed to rise
from all of these ashes,
but I suspect
it’s going to be
me.
Kristina Mahr
It seems only right that I start the new decade with a new life, a new focus and new adventures on the horizon. I’ve written a lot already so I’ve condensed my goals down right to their basics, but here is an overview of some of my resolutions for the year to come:
Health
Run 5k without stopping
Be able to touch my toes
Keep up with current exercise routine
Creativity
Define my illustration style
Create illustration portfolio
Business
Increase social media following
Rebrand
Other
Read more books
Reduce the amount of stuff I own
I’ve got quite a lot of business goals this year but I’m still working through them, so I’m sure I’ll share those on the blog soon! Here’s to a grand 2020; to working through our roadblocks, reaching higher and stepping out of comfort zones.